And again...

Well, who knows. It changes daily. See why we don't get too upset? Just hanging out now. Hoping it DOES stay off to the east if Will decides to still fly down here Thursday!

No more nagging...

Our first week of school was a nightmare. Not because they don't love their new school--they do--but it's hard b/c we don't get home until 4, then have homework, dinner, a little play time, reading, and baths to do before bedtime at 8. I spent hours last Friday trying to figure out how to make it better. ..

My next recommendation for moms...Creative Correction, by Lisa Welchel. (Remember her? Blair on "Facts of Life"?)
Wouldn't you choose to be corrected instead of punished? Nagging, threatening, grounding, spanking and sending my children to their rooms never worked as well as the ideas in this book are working for us. My children are learning to work toward rewards (which may only be a big smile and a hug)--while learning to do the right thing because it's the right thing--instead of trying to avoid punishments. Marbles in a jar to earn a Happy Meal, earning special privileges for going the extra mile, "caught you doing good" rewards, good manners jelly beans, etc.

There ARE corrections, though. Sloppy work requires practicing handwriting for 15 minutes, forgetting something over and over requires doing it 100 times to practice, unfinished chores earns the right to do the other child's chores as well, a room left in a mess might require writing out state names and capitals. These are just some examples but my home is a different place after reading this book and taking good notes.

We started a new thing to help them stay focused in the afternoons. If they finish their homework within an hour, finish their afternoon routine (which includes laying out clothes for the next day, a couple of chores, picking out lunch items for the next day, practicing piano), and practice their spelling words and memory verse in a reasonable time period without being prodded, they get a "ticket." Five tickets = a McFlurry at McD's. :) They love challenges like that and I'm not always nagging.

We also did a little thing last night where I set the timer for 5 minutes and everyone flew around the house picking up and putting things WHERE THEY BELONG. They did great and the house was completely picked up and they asked to do it again tomorrow. LOL They got 2 Starbursts if everything was done in 5.

I got most of the ideas from that book. John Rosemond is great, too, but Lisa uses lots of scripture and the basis that you teach your children to do right because it's right.

Now, to find a Creative Correction for Husbands...

Reading material

Okay, so the three of you who read my blog have heard me mention my favorite books. Captivating by John & Stasi Eldredge, Beth Moore's Believing God, The Mark of the Lion series by Francine Rivers, Max Lucado's It's Not About Me, Francine Rivers' 10 novellas, some John Rosemond, anything James Dobson (especially Bringing Up Boys), and of course Les Mis and This Present Darkness. I'm finishing the fourth in a wonderful series by Bodie and Brock Thoene.

I need some suggestions. I love Christian fiction and Christian historical fiction but I also love the deeper studies like Beth Moore. I don't have a lot of time for reading but like to have someone on-hand for the times I do have a minute. Let me know...

It's official.

It's official. He's growing up. Long and skinny now, just like his brother. When we moved into this house four years ago, he was in utero and T&T could still stand under the bar at five-and-a-half.
Yesterday, R hit his head when he tried to run under it and, just like that...overnight, he's grown.
Makes me so glad he still says things like "I yuv you," and "YOOK," and "I yike it," and "Dosh Wiwinghammuw."
Sidebar: I know he looks homeless. He just woke up.

Lasts

I know my posts are too long sometimes but bear with me. This one is worth it.

I am really into Karen Kingsbury right now. One of the story lines in the book I just finished is about a couple whose son is about to marry. The night before their son's wedding, the couple is discussing how they had records of all their children's "firsts" but no pictures/records of their children's "lasts." For example, one day, their son jumped into her arms and gave her flowers for the last time. She says, "I took no pictures, threw no party, made no note of it...We simply moved on to another stage of life and never looked back...Our children's growing up years were full of lasts, and I never knew it." She talks about the saying, "A daughter's a daughter for life...a son's a son 'til he takes a wife." (I don't like that.)

So, she writes this poem as a letter to her son on his wedding day.

"Long ago you came to me, a miracle of firsts...
First smiles and teeth and baby steps, a sunbeam on the burst.
But one day you will move away and leave to me your past,
And I will be left thinking of a lifetime of your lasts.

The last time that I held a bottle to your baby lips...
Last time that I lifted you and held you on my hip...
Last time when you had a binky stuck inside your mouth...
The last time that you crawled across the floor of this old house.

Last time when you ran to me, still small enough to hold,
Last time when you said you'd marry me when you grew old.
Precious, simple moments and bright flashes from the past.
Would I have held you longer if I'd known they were the last?

Your last few hours of kindergarten, last days of first grade...
Last at bat in Little League, last colored paper made.
Last time that I tucked you in for one last midday nap...
Last time when you wore your beat-up Green Bay Packers cap.

The last dark night you slipped in bed and slept between us two,
When last I read to you of God or Horton Hears a Who!
Last that that I smelled your hair and prayed after your shower...
Last time that we held devotions in the evening hours.

Last piano lesson, and last soccer goal you kicked...
The last few weeks of middle school, last flowers that you picked.
Last time that you needed me for rides from here to there...
The last time that you spent the night with that old tattered bear.

Last time that I helped you with a math or spelling test,
Last time when I shouted that your room was still a mess.
Time and life moved quicker, taking pieces of your past.
Would I have stretched the moments if I'd known they were the last?

I watched you grow and never noticed seasons as they passed.
I wish I could've frozen time to hold on to your lasts.
For come tomorrow morning life will never be the same,
You'll pledge forever to your girl and she will take your name.

And I will watch you, knowing God has blessed you with this day.
I never would have wanted, Son, to somehow make you stay.
They say a son's a son until he takes for him a wife.
You're grown-up now; it's time to go and start your brand-new life.

One last hug, one last good-bye, one quick and hurried kiss...
One last time to understand just how much you'll be missed.
I'll watch you leave and think how quickly childhood sped past.
Would I have held on longer if I'd known it was your last?"

Apparently, KK turned this poem into a children's picture book called Would I Have Held on Longer?

Good night. I gotta go hug my boys.

NEW DAYS!

Okay, well, it was a first all over again. T&T started a new school today-- a private christian school here--and we are so excited. It's going to be a BIG change for us - money AND travel time - but we're trusting God. They were excited and a little nervous. I knew for sure we were in the right place when the Headmaster kept talking about "God's plan for our year" and when I found out about the Mother's prayer group where you get a list of children to pray for by name each day. This may not be as great as we expect it to be but, for now, thank you, Lord.

Standoff

Okay, so there was this huge three-hour-plus standoff yesterday here in Tampa on Dale Mabry, the busiest thoroughfare (good word, huh?) in town.

http://www.wfts.com/stories/2006/08/060803standoffwrap.shtml

http://www.tbo.com/news/metro/MGBWKSP0GQE.html

Turns out, my husband was in the Chili's about 50 yards from where this crazy man named Esteban Gonzalez was cornered. Scott said they wouldn't let anyone leave the restaurant and actually had them all squeezed onto the opposite side of the restaurant.

All things considered, I could think of worse places to be trapped for four hours. :)

Lessons learned

Last night, Scott and I sat out on our lanai (which is Yankee/Florida talk for "screened-in back porch") watching the most amazing lightning storm. That is one of the things I love about living here. This picture was taken from downtown.



Amazing. We never counted more than two seconds between bolts.

So, since I have all this spare time and nothing to do this morning (oh my word), I wanted to know more about Florida lightning storms. I had been told that Florida is the lightning capital of the world. Not so BUT here are some of the TRUE facts I learned.

1. More people die from lightning strikes in Florida every year than in any other state.
2. Tampa has lightning about 90 days a year, which is basically almost every day in the summer. 3. Even though Florida storms aren't as lightning-filled as those in the Midwest, we still see more strikes per year than anywhere in the nation.
4. Central Florida, from Tampa to Titusville, is "Lightning Alley" in the U.S.
5. Florida leads the nation in lightning deaths, injuries and casualties.
6. In Hillsborough County, 32 people were killed by lightning between 1959 and 2003.
7. With all the talk in recent years about hurricanes, I find it interesting that, on average, hurricanes are responsible for 8.7 percent of weather-related deaths in Florida each year. Tornadoes are responsible for 13 percent. Those pale in comparison to lightning, which is responsible for more than 53 percent of deaths in the state.

Needless to say, from now on, Scott and I will be watching the summer lightning storms from the sofa. :)

48 Ways to Build Love in Your Marriage

This is a checklist based on the best-selling book, LOVE-LIFE for Every Married Couple, by Ed Wheat and Gloria Okes Perkins.

48 WAYS TO BUILD LOVE IN YOUR MARRIAGE


● Say something good about your partner to another person ● Answer with positive, loving words, no matter what ● Do something kind for him/her ● Surprise him/her with a gift or thoughtful act ● Do the things you know are important to him/her ● Say “thank you” often and mean it ● Say, “I love you” ● Be courteous consistently ● Thank God for your mate and be specific ● Pray for his/her blessing ● Choose to forgive if hurt or offended ● Avoid proud behavior and never try to get even ● Study more ways to bless your partner ● Decide not to criticize your partner again and back up your decision by action until it becomes a habit ● Discern areas where your partner can use extra encouragement and think of ways to build him/her up ● Spend some time thinking about every positive quality you admire in your mate ● Edify your partner with words or praise and appreciation and be genuine, specific, generous ● Recognize his/her talents, abilities and accomplishments ● Communicate your respect for the work he/she does ● Keep your attention focused on your partner rather than expressing admiration for others of the opposite sex ● Seek your partner’s opinions and show that you value his/her judgements ● Demonstrate your confidence in him/her ● Respond to your mate with eye contact, smiles, body language (turn toward him/her) ● Treat your partner as a VIP in your home and in the presence of others ● Provide a peaceful, relaxed atmosphere of acceptance and unconditional love ● Enjoy some quality time together every day ● Do a special project together ● Develop some new interest in common ● Learn more about one another’s work and share the challenges and rewards ● enjoy a special date together once a week—plan for it ● Listen to him/her attentively without interrupting ● Be understanding ● Share your feelings ● Say, “I care” ● Make plans and set goals together ● Do housework or yard work together and make it fun ● Find ways to become more sensitive to one another ● Study communication skills together and practice them ● Treat your partner the way you would treat your best friend ● Hug often and for no particular reason ● Always greet or leave with a kiss ● Kiss when there’s no occasion ● Sit close to each other, whether in church or at home watching TV ● Go to bed at the same time and cuddle before you go to sleep ● Allow a few minutes in the morning to hold each other before you get up ● Practice expressing your love through the medium of tender touch ● Find what feels good to him/her ● Set some times at night when you have uninterrupted time to practice non-sexual body caressing and enjoy it ● Hold hands when you take a walk ● Some evenings take your shower or bath together and be lighthearted ● Develop positive feelings toward your own body (Psalm 139) ● Stay in physical contact while going to sleep ● Think of ways to say “I love you” by tender touch ●

Godwinks

Mel's brother Shannon uses the word "Godwinks" to describe situations in which you think God is probably doing just that. This might be silly but do you ever think that when you hear something new for the first time then hear it again soon after?

Here's an example. Our Sunday school teacher yesterday was talking about providence and communication. He used the phrase "singleness of mind" or "singleness of purpose" to talk about sincere people. No ulterior motives. I loved it. (Maybe I'm out of the loop but I haven't heard it before.) Last night, I was up late reading a new Karen Kingsbury and one of the characters is lovingly described as having "singleness of mind." Twice in 15 hours. I just looked up and smiled.
Another one. Yesterday in Sunday school, discussing communication, our teacher looked at me to ask, "Which president was called the great communicator?" He asked me because the answer was, of course, REAGAN. I had never heard that before. At least not exactly like that. So, this morning on the news, someone mentions the conservatives' ability to use words wisely. He said, "It started with the great communicator, Ronald Reagan." Twice in 24 hours.

Now I know those aren't great examples but I do think God winks at us. Tell me what you think. (If anyone reads this, that is.)

Motherhood

WOW! Six posts in one day. I must be bored. No - the whole fam is still in bed so I'm trying to be quiet.

Another MUST SHARE. I know you guys are going to think Tommy Nelson is paying me for this but you just HAVE to read CAPTIVATING, by John & Stasi Eldredge. I just finished my second read-through and am participating in a book discussion next month.

In WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE WORLD, G.K. Chesterson wrote,

"To be Queen Elizabeth within a definite area, deciding sales, banquets, labors, and holidays;

to be Whitely within a certain area, providing toys, boots, cakes, and books;

to be Aristotle within a certain area, teaching morals, manners, theology, and hygiene;

I can understand how this might exhaust the mind, but I cannot imagine how it could narrow it.

How can it be a large career to tell other people's children about the Rule of Three, and a small career to tell one's own children about the universe?

How can it be broad to be the same thing to everyone and narrow to be everything to someone?

No, a woman's function is laborious,

but because it is gigantic, not because it is minute."

Photograph by Dan Binkley of Dan Binkly Photography (Love that man!)

Post Script

A P.S. to my earlier post about my friends' children...and an afterthought. If we love it so much for our children to love our friends' children, how much moreso must God be pleased when his children love each other...I'm stuck on that lately.



Reagan and Whitt


Taylor loves Annsley













Tyler and Carson

Scrapbook

I am so very thankful my boys love each other! Reagan ADORES Tyler.





This is Reagan's nightly ritual. Dada fixed him Cheerios and Sprite. They ate and watched whatever baseball game was on. Amazing how long a three-year-old will sit and watch baseball.









Another grandparent thing. Aren't Grannas grand? She kept her TV box and made them a house. She kept a fridge box and made them a ship/dugout/picnic area. She's so good and creative.













I guess I think I'm making a scrapbook.

More summer trip pics

I LOVE that my children love my mom. Some people have to ASK if T&T get along with my parents well. Sounds funny to me. I say, "Of course. They're the grandparents." But you know what? Not everybody would have handled this the way my parents have. So, I thank God and don't take it for granted. :)







First two pics are at Dismals. Mrs. Swinnea would be so proud.







My children are outdoorsy. I don't know where they got that. They love bugs and snakes and critters. I'm glad. I guess.


Isn't this just classic? He looks so big.

Whiney Hiney

Am I the only mom who sees this pouty face day in and day out? Reagan is such a doll but he is just like the little girl with a curl. You know, "There was a little girl
with a little curl
right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good,
she was very, very good but
when she was bad, she was horrid."

My child. The most loving and affectionate thing. Makes me feel so special everytime I see him after being gone even for an hour. Yet, sometimes, I dream of putting duct tape over his mouth. Just for a little while...

BRAGGART

After vomitting all morning w/a stomach virus, this is the last thing I thought I'd be doing last night. We have a big cookout today, though, and I had three salads to make. Had to share this one. Mom realized that the salad (recipe from Southern Living) is sitting on my buffet table we made after seeing a picture in Southern Living. So, my SL salad is on my SL table. Silly, I know, but both took forever to make. :) Judy Long would be proud.

Sacred Influence

I keep finding must-reads. From a book by Gary Thomas called SACRED INFLUENCE...

"My children must grow weary of hearing me say, “Your greatest temptation to sin is when someone first sins against you. But THEIR sin never justifies YOUR sin.”

This is as true for spouses as it is for siblings. Fighting your mate’s [OR ANYONE'S]irresponsibility with irresponsibility of your own is like pouring gasoline on a fire; it just makes things that much more explosive, that much worse. The Bible recommends a more subversive approach: let love conquer evil; let responsibility shame irresponsibility.

It’s a spiritual fact that kindness kills wickedness far more effectively than nagging, complaining, or disrespect. Remember, God won us with grace when we were his rebellious enemies. He doesn’t ask anything of you that he hasn’t already done himself. And this same God says that we are responsible to love, even in the face of another’s irresponsibility.

Peter wrote, “Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing” (1 Peter 3:9). Did you catch that? We’re called to respond to evil with blessing. It’s not human nature to be sinned against and think, “How can I bless this person who just hurt me?” But such a spiritually powerful practice yields very effective results. Regardless of how anyone else acts, we’re still accountable before God for our response.

Paul elaborates on this in his letter to the believers in Rome: “Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse” (Romans 12:14). He then quotes from Proverbs: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head” (Romans 12:20; see Proverbs 25:21-22). Jesus said essentially the same thing: “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven” (Matthew 5:44-45).

The Bible is amazingly relevant and practical for married people! It’s not a “pie in the sky” kind of book that pretends no one will ever hurt us or sin against us. On the contrary, it promises us that we will be hurt and wronged and then gives very specific and practical advice to help us respond appropriately. We bless those who hurt us. We feed those who make themselves our enemies. And over time, such a practice usually succeeds far more in prompting redemptive change than does arguing, complaining, gossiping, or threatening divorce.

Even if this approach proves ineffective, however, it’s what God calls us to as Christians, and that’s of paramount importance. I love Linda Dillow’s take on this:

“I cannot promise you that if you respond with a blessing when you’re hurt or wounded, your husband [or wife] will change. I cannot promise you a life of happiness and personal fulfillment, but I can promise you that you are living according to your purpose and calling as a Christian; you are obeying the will of God and there is peace in obedience. The first reason you are to respond this way is not so that you can secure a hoped-for change in your mate, but because it is God’s desire that you make this kind of response.”

When I respond according to God’s plan, even if the person who sinned against me doesn’t change, I’ll change. It’s a victory either way. When I respond out of spite, repaying evil for evil, two things usually happen, both negative: the situation gets worse; and I become more bitter, more resentful, and less like Christ. The brilliance of Christianity is that God can grow you in an unhealthy marriage as well as in a healthy marriage. He can shape you in prosperity or need, in comfort or stress, in intimacy or loneliness. And intimacy with him is the most precious reward any of us can every know or experience.

Just as we build our muscles little by little, lifting a bit more weight every other day, so the beauty of responsibility evolves gradually, built up by the tiny, seemingly insignificant decisions we make week by week.

Great, huh? Sorry - I have to go now. My toes are bruised and bleeding now.

STRAW HAT SUMMER

Isn't Cross Point such a blessing to so many?

http://www.timesdaily.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060724/NEWS/607240302&SearchID=73251665065916

Confessions from the heart

God is showing me some awesome (albeit terrifying) things. The last several months (years even) have been tough for my family and me. I have recently realized (and am still trying to admit fully) that I have made it much harder by my allowing Satan into my head and heart. No matter how people disappoint me and let me down, it is ultimately MY choice to dialogue and catalog in my mind until my heart is so full of resentment and anger that any restoration of relationships seems impossible. I agree with a statement in my new favorite book Captivating. "Our Enemy despises relationship." I truly believe that my marriage, my family, my relationships, even my joy have been under attack and I have failed miserably. I find I cannot forgive, cannot let go of past hurts by myself. And then yesterday, God led me to Exodus 14:14. "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." So, that's what I'm doing. I'm being still and knowing. I'm praying for restoration and forgiveness (for me and from me) but most of all that my marriage and relationships will showcase God's glory.

Summer 2006 revisited

Can you see T&T hiding behind Darlin's chair? They don't want to leave...



Will with TT&R at the Dismals.
Mel & Will at my fave place on our last day!